{"id":45510,"date":"2024-11-20T16:11:05","date_gmt":"2024-11-20T16:11:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buildersmovement.org\/?p=45510"},"modified":"2024-12-10T16:17:30","modified_gmt":"2024-12-10T16:17:30","slug":"3-tips-keeping-thanksgiving-talks-tension-free","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/buildersmovement.org\/2024\/11\/20\/3-tips-keeping-thanksgiving-talks-tension-free\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Tips for Keeping Thanksgiving Talks Tension-Free"},"content":{"rendered":"

No need to belabor the obvious: Emotions are high and many of us are dreading talking politics during the holidays. Some of us will <\/span>cut our holiday gatherings short<\/span><\/a> due to stress and anger \u2014 and some of us will even <\/span>skip a gathering altogether<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We’re here to help! Here are three tips for healthier, more productive holiday conversations. (And let us know what you thought with the survey at the end.)\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Tip #1: Don\u2019t try to change people\u2019s minds<\/b><\/h3>\n

We all know there won\u2019t be much changing of political stances this holiday season. But talking politics isn\u2019t just about changing minds and winning debates. It\u2019s about helping others see where we\u2019re coming from. <\/span>It\u2019s about showcasing our rationality and our humanity.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

It\u2019s also about connecting with each other over our commonalities. That\u2019s right \u2014 however hard it may be to see that right now, <\/span>we ALL have <\/span><\/i>things in common<\/span><\/i><\/a> with each other.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

It\u2019s also about helping us <\/span>understand others<\/span><\/a>. Approaching our \u201copponents\u201d with openness and curiosity helps us see that they aren\u2019t crazy \u2014 they have rational and defensible concerns (which we can see even if we think they\u2019re wrong).<\/span><\/p>\n

Most people get defensive when they think someone is trying to change their mind. To defuse tension, you can say upfront: \u201cI\u2019m not trying to change your mind; I just want you to know why I think what I do,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not trying to change your mind, I genuinely want to understand your point of view better.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We\u2019ll find that understanding opens up more room for productive and less team-based disagreements, and creative compromises more people can live with. Approaching conversations this way is one small shift in the culture we can influence in our personal lives.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Tip #2: Focus on core concerns (and less on specific points)<\/b><\/h3>\n

Often, a talk about politics turns into nitpicking other people\u2019s granular points, which leads to unproductive arguing over minutiae.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead, focus on the other person\u2019s underlying concerns. <\/span><\/i>Often, other people\u2019s high-level concerns are much easier for us to <\/span>understand<\/span><\/a> than specific, granular pieces of information.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We can do the same for our views: If someone disagrees about specific points, you might ask, \u201cCan you understand my overall concerns \u2014 even as we disagree about specific points?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

(For more, read <\/span>Amanda Ripley\u2019s thoughts<\/span><\/a> about understanding people\u2019s \u201cunderstory\u201d when in conflict.)\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Tip #3: Talk less about issues and more about our divides\u00a0<\/b><\/h3>\n

Sometimes, talking about specific issues might be too contentious and anger-inducing. In that case, you might try pivoting the discussion to the broader issue of our divides.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We know <\/span>many Americans agree<\/span><\/a> there\u2019s far too much toxicity and contempt. That may be an area where you can find some productive common ground \u2014 <\/span>while also laying the groundwork for calmer conversations on specific issues at another time<\/span><\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Some conversational ideas:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n