{"id":46028,"date":"2025-05-14T19:13:29","date_gmt":"2025-05-14T19:13:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buildersmovement.org\/?p=46028"},"modified":"2025-05-15T17:29:31","modified_gmt":"2025-05-15T17:29:31","slug":"challenges-depolarization-bridgebuilding-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/buildersmovement.org\/2025\/05\/14\/challenges-depolarization-bridgebuilding-work\/","title":{"rendered":"Emotional Costs of Working to Overcome Divides: Reflections from the Builders Team"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cSometimes this work takes a real toll on my mental health \u2014 especially when I\u2019m responding to highly negative comments.\u201d<\/span><\/em>
\n<\/span>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u2014 Shania Turner, Social Media Coordinator for Builders<\/span><\/p>\n

Every day, we at <\/span>Builders<\/span><\/a> hear from people across the political spectrum. Most thank us for promoting understanding and better ways of engaging. But some accuse us of making false equivalencies, of being naive, or of secretly or unintentionally helping \u201cthe bad guys.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

We take all heartfelt criticism seriously. We reflect on criticism, wrestle with our own biases, and debate internally about how best to communicate. Sometimes, after spending hours on a post, we scrap it because it doesn\u2019t feel right to us. Even when we disagree with specific criticism, it can be disheartening to see how negatively some people view our work.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This work is not easy. It\u2019s emotionally draining. At times, it can feel thankless. It can even strain our personal relationships. There are real emotional pains in trying to reduce political toxicity \u2014 and that\u2019s probably why so few do it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s talk some more about specific challenges\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

No clear path<\/h3>\n

One hard thing about this work is that there\u2019s no clear or proven path to follow. If there were an easy, known path, we wouldn\u2019t see so much toxic conflict in the world. The truth is, we\u2019re all figuring it out as we go.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As we\u2019ve <\/span>written about before<\/span><\/a>, even people who share the goal of reducing political toxicity and contempt will often disagree on what the problem is and how to tackle it. This makes the work messy and complicated.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s no roadmap for this work. We\u2019re building it as we walk \u2014 and that means we won\u2019t always get it right. We\u2019re human, after all. That can be scary but I\u2019d rather risk getting it wrong while trying to build something better than complain about the world\u2019s problems without doing anything at all.\u201d
\n<\/em>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u2014 <\/span>Helen Ray, Senior Social Media Manager for Builders<\/p>\n

Internal disagreement<\/h3>\n

“Depending on the post, some will label us right-wing or left-wing. Even members of our team question whether we\u2019re leaning too far in one direction. It can feel like we\u2019re doing mental gymnastics trying to keep everyone happy.\u201d
\n<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u2014 Shania Turner, Social Media Coordinator for Builders<\/span><\/p>\n

The Builders team includes people with different political views and different ways of thinking about our divides. This means that sometimes we\u2019ll disagree about whether a particular piece of content \u2014 like a clip of a leader or activist talking \u2014 fits our values and aligns with this work. For one thing, there are so many different ways to interpret what people say \u2014 and our diverse political views can dramatically shift those interpretations.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Or we\u2019ll disagree about whether we should highlight someone\u2019s good behavior if that person is seen as behaving quite toxically in the past. We err on the side of sharing positive behavior because we think this encourages more of the same from everyone, and because our sharing a positive moment from someone isn\u2019t meant to imply we think that person always behaves in respectful ways.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This is just to give you a sense of the challenges we wrestle with every day. Again, there is no clear path for this work, which often makes it tough intellectually and emotionally.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re truly nonpartisan, and we work very hard to check our own biases \u2014 every single day. I\u2019m not here to push an agenda. I\u2019m here because real change starts when we talk, listen, and hold each other accountable.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u2014\u00a0 <\/span>Helen Ray, Senior Social Media Manager for Builders<\/p>\n

Both-sides-ism and false equivalency<\/h3>\n

Some people on the left and right will think we\u2019re being naive. We\u2019ll often see messages like: \u201cDon\u2019t you all see the problem is <\/span>all\/mostly one group<\/span><\/a>?\u201d We\u2019re often accused of <\/span>false equivalency and \u201cboth-sides-ism\u201d<\/span><\/a>\u00a0\u2014 the idea that by encouraging <\/span>everyone<\/span><\/i> to reflect on their role in toxic conflict, we\u2019re claiming that \u201cboth sides are equally to blame\u201d or \u201cboth sides are the same.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But this is a misunderstanding of what we\u2019re doing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You can absolutely believe that one side<\/i> is doing far more harm, and still believe that how you<\/i> and \u201cyour side\u201d<\/i> respond matters.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In fact, we think that if we fail to speak persuasively to a wide swath of people \u2014 if we fail to speak to progressives and Trump supporters \u2014 then we\u2019re not accomplishing much.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Speaking only to one political group doesn\u2019t help us reduce division; it will drive many people away. That\u2019s why we push ourselves to speak persuasively to as many people as possible. We continue to believe that less toxic, more productive engagement is possible, no matter one\u2019s political views and anger and fear. And we see evidence of that every day.<\/span><\/p>\n

Accusations of hidden agendas<\/h3>\n

We also sometimes get accused of secretly working for \u201cthe right\u201d or \u201cthe left\u201d \u2014 of having a secret agenda. And we do understand why people can be suspicious of this work. These are tense times. Many people see their political opponents as causing real harm and posing major dangers. When you think that, it\u2019s easy to think that anyone calling for more understanding and more dialogue must be naive and must not really \u201cget it.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We do our best to meet those concerns with empathy \u2014 and to show that building bridges doesn\u2019t mean ignoring harm or thinking \u201ceverything is fine.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Understanding views equating to defending those views<\/h3>\n

Some people mistake our <\/span>appeals to <\/span>understand<\/span><\/i><\/a> various political perspectives as an attempt to <\/span>defend<\/span><\/i> them. We get it\u2014when you strongly oppose something, even trying to understand where it comes from can feel uncomfortable or disloyal. But we believe striving for understanding while in conflict takes courage and strength; it is not weakness. If we want to build a less toxic and chaotic future, this is what we need more of.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Polarization leads more and more of us to give up on understanding those people \u201cover there,\u201d which leads to increasing alienation and a self-reinforcing cycle. But you can understand why people believe what others do <\/span>without<\/span><\/i> agreeing with them \u2014 <\/span>while<\/span><\/i> still passionately disagreeing. (In fact, embracing empathy can help activists be <\/span>more effective at achieving their political goals<\/span><\/a>.)<\/span><\/p>\n

Seeing us as defending Trump<\/h3>\n

The reactions we get to our work will often depend on who\u2019s in power. With President Trump in office, most objections to this type of work will naturally come from progressive and anti-Trump people. Some incorrectly view our goal as defending Trump \u2014 as trying to reduce political passion and concern. If Harris had won, we\u2019d see more objections from conservatives. (When your \u201cside\u201d wins, it\u2019s easier to feel magnanimous and to want to take the <\/span>\u201chigh road\u201d<\/span><\/a>.)<\/span><\/p>\n

Again, we aren\u2019t asking anyone to reserve judgment of their political opponents. Our stance is that how we engage with other people \u2013 more toxically versus less toxically \u2014 can affect the course of the conflict. We should also keep in mind that our views of our adversaries are often <\/span>overly pessimistic<\/span><\/a>. And people can allow <\/span>their negative views of specific leaders to lead them to have contempt for the whole \u201cother side.\u201d<\/span><\/a> When we aren\u2019t careful, we can behave in ways that amplify the toxicity of the conflict \u2014 and unintentionally add to more division.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In various ways, the toxicity of the conflict can be self-reinforcing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cA tough part of this work is responding to comments regarding human rights and other serious and important moral issues. We take the time to craft thoughtful replies. Still, sometimes it can be disheartening knowing that many will misunderstand our goals and that our responses are often not read in good faith.\u201d<\/i><\/em>
\n\u2014 Shania, Builders Social Media Coordinator<\/span><\/p>\n

We need your help<\/h3>\n

The nature of polarization is that many politically passionate and concerned people will be skeptical of efforts like ours. Some will even think, \u201cYour depolarization ideas are nice and all, but we need to focus our energy on beating the bad guys.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

But we believe that political passion and reducing toxicity can go hand in hand. In fact, we believe that the way we engage with others \u2014 especially those we disagree with \u2014 <\/span>is<\/span><\/i> part of the fight for a healthier, less chaotic, more functional, more thriving future, for all of us.<\/span><\/p>\n

This work isn\u2019t easy. It\u2019s messy, exhausting, and sometimes feels thankless. But it\u2019s also deeply needed. And we can\u2019t do it alone. <\/span>Please join us<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDespite the challenges, this is the most rewarding work I\u2019ve done. It\u2019s pushed me to build the mindset I need to engage meaningfully with people I don\u2019t see eye to eye with \u2014 including my own mom. Our relationship gets better every day, and family members have come to me for advice on how to have more productive conversations. I didn’t see that coming. And then there\u2019s the Builders community \u2014 showing up in the comments, modeling what this movement is all about. These are the things that keep me going.\u201d
\n<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u2014 \u00a0Shania, Social Media Coordinator for Builders<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPeople are hungry for something different. There\u2019s a real need for this work. And that\u2019s what keeps me going, because I still believe a less polarized future is possible.\u201d<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/em>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u2014 Helen Ray, Senior Social Media Manager for Builders<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cSometimes this work takes a real toll on my mental health \u2014 especially when I\u2019m responding to highly negative comments.\u201d \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u2014 Shania Turner, Social Media Coordinator for Builders Every day, we at Builders hear from people across the political spectrum. Most thank us for promoting understanding and better ways of engaging. 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